Paul and Sarah

Paul was a young professional who had life in the palm of his hand. He had friends. He had money. He had it all. He lived in a medium sized apartment in a nice neighborhood in the city. Life should have been great.

But he didn’t feel that way.

Sarah was also a young professional with life in the palm of her hand. She had friends. She had money. She had it all. She lived in a large apartment in a nice neighborhood in the city. Life should have been great.

But she didn’t feel that way.

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Like a Good Neighbor

“Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there”

Agent Miller can’t see anything. Everything is pitch black.

“Hello?! Is anybody there?,” he shouts.

He hears a rustle and a groan to the side of him.

“Who is that?” Miller asks.

“Miller? Is that you? OH THANK GOD! I’ve been so scared,” a voice says.

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Don’t Read the Comments

I read every comment on my last post.




I tried stopping after the first busy day. I couldn’t. I had to know what people were saying.

I’ve never written anything that became a thing. I’d never had strangers pass around my words. I had never become “The Internet”.

So I read all of the comments.

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Clever Procrastination Title Here

Procrastination is a hell of a thing.

Did you know that “Young Turks” is used to refer to a delegate of progressive radicals inside a political party? Sounds good huh? Well, at least until you read about the actual Young Turks. You know, the ones that obliterated the Armenian culture… all 3000 years of it.

I learned this today while I was trying to write the post you’re reading.

I started writing this at 1:00 pm.

It is now 2:09 pm.

This is as far as I’ve gotten.

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Submarine Life

Last year, I pitched an article to Cracked about life on submarines. They really liked the idea. Along the way, I dropped the ball. They ended up running the idea with another author.

Mine was better.

I’m also a lazy asshole sometimes.

Here’s the article that I wrote. It’s done in their listicle style. All of these words are mine. They didn’t cheat me or anything. I’m just lazy, remember?

All of the following is true.

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The Breakfast Club: Epilogue

A friend of mine on Facebook recently watched The Breakfast Club for the first time. The following day, he asked on Facebook “So what happens to everyone on Monday morning?”

This was my answer.

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