Let’s Start a Fight

“Well if she didn’t want to get hit, then she shouldn’t have started a fight.”

It makes sense to me. After all, he’s a man. You can’t expect a man to control himself. That’s asking too much.

Men are lions. Men are alligators. Men are dragons.

You cannot expect a wild beast to control itself. So why are you asking men to do the same?

All is fair when you’re talking about a fight. No rules. It’s just open war fair. If she didn’t want a fight, then she shouldn’t have started one.

You still don’t get it, do you?

Look, let me put it in simpler terms.

Let’s say the UFC wanted to schedule a fight between a Jose Aldo and Cain Valasquez. They would just schedule it and move on. No rules. They’d say “Fight,” and the fighters would fight! Gladiator style!

…Obviously, they would make sure that there was an octagon setup to keep the fight in one place, and to prevent the fighters from falling off of the padded mat. It’s just safer.

But that’s it! Time to fight!

…Of course, they’d also make sure that there are doctors ringside, just in case the unthinkable happens. You want to make sure that if something, like a knockout, were to happen, that fighter would have immediate medical care available to them. A person with brain trauma needs to be taken care of immediately. You wouldn’t want the fighters to die!

So now we’ve got the octagon and the doctors. LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!! You don’t need anything else!!!

…Besides the referee, I mean. You need someone there to call the fight in the event of an over match or clear win. If somebody is incapable of defending themselves, you wouldn’t condone a continued offensive strategy! You just want a nice fair fight, not a brutal attack! We’re men, lions, alligators and dragons not monsters!

Once the octagon and the doctors and the referee are in place though. It’s fucking ON!!!

…For three minutes at a time. You need to make sure that the fighters have rounds. Again, this is about long term damage. You don’t want the fighters to fight past the point of exhaustion. That could lead to further injuries. It’s all about protecting the fighters!

There’s an octagon. There’s ringside doctors. There’s a referee. There’s timed rounds. Now we’re ready to fight until there’s a clear winner!

…Sort of. You do want there to be a set of rounds. It would be barbaric to expect two fighters to keep fighting until one was knocked out. So they cap the rounds at three for a normal fight and five for a championship bout. This is just to make sure that the fighters aren’t expected to go on well past the point of physical exhaustion. They have a clear end in sight.

So the octagon is ready. The doctors are ringside. The referee is in the ring. The rounds are capped and timed. NOW. WE. FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!

…Assuming that the fight is sanctioned. Again, this just makes sense. The federal and state governments needs to oversee the fight promoters to make sure that all appropriate safety precautions are taken. We live in a civilized society. You don’t want to have two people fighting without safety precautions! That would be ridiculous!

We’ve got an octagon, doctors, a referee, capped and timed rounds and a government sanction. Let’s do it!!!

…As long as the fighters are the same size. You would never want to put a fighter like Jose Aldo who weighs 140 pounds in the ring with Cain Valasquez, who has 100 pounds on him! So let’s change Jose Aldo to Andrei Arlovski, who also weighs 240. This is a much more fair fight. Nobody wants to watch a human with 100 extra pounds brutalize a much smaller human. We’re not savages!

Finally, we can fight, like gladiators.

I think I’ve made my point. When fighters want to fight, they fight… provided there is an octagon, doctors ringside, a referee, capped and timed rounds, a government sanction and an opponent who is roughly their own size.

You understand now?

Why would a man treat a woman any different from the way UFC fighters treat each other?

Men are fighters. Men are instinctual. If you attack a man, he’ll fight back.

Just like in the UFC.

2 thoughts on “Let’s Start a Fight

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